If there’s one thing that I hate hearing more than anything now that I’m pregnant it’s this: “pregnancy is beautiful”.
It’s not. It’s a fucking nightmare.
Maybe you had a great pregnancy or maybe your epidural caused you to have amnesia, but I’m confident in saying that there is absolutely nothing about pregnancy that I enjoy except knowing that it will eventually end. Before you start throwing stones, let me unnecessarily reassure you that I am very grateful for the tiny life I carry inside me and I can’t wait to meet our little one, but I still hate being pregnant. Also, there’s no need to remind me that I will get a baby in the end or to say, “it will all be worth it when you hold your baby in your arms” because guess what?? I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t getting a baby in the end!
There is nothing beautiful about the first trimester where for two months solid I felt like I was balancing the stomach flu with the worst hangover of my life. There’s nothing beautiful about dry heaving at the site or smell of your favourite foods and every time you brush your teeth or literally being so exhausted and nauseated you shit your pants without realising it. Yes, you read that correctly.
Anyone who says the second trimester is better than the first is a liar. It’s not. Yea, your nausea may have eased up a bit, but guess what, it comes back and at the most random of times. You’re still exhausted all the time, but you’re gaining weight constantly and it takes twice as much effort to move your new giant ass and big tits around so you feel even more tired. Not to mention all the joint and round ligament pain that has you feeling like you’re in Tudor times and they’ve strapped you to the rack and they’re pulling your hips apart. You know what it feels like when the back of your hips are stretching? It feels like someone punched you in the asshole and broke your coccyx at the same time.
You know what else happens in the second trimester? Indigestion. So much indigestion. I don’t have heartburn, but I have the constant feeling of undigested food sitting in my stomach for hours on end and the constant need to belch accompanied by the fear that my undigested food will make a reappearance in the form of vomit. You also can’t breath because your new papaya sized uterus has pushed all your internal organs up into your chest, squeezing in next to your lungs so you feel out of breath doing the simplest of tasks. That is not beautiful to me. Going from running up to 30 miles a week to being out of breath walking up one flight of stairs is hard to adjust to and I know that it will only get worse over the next 17 weeks.
At least I’m the most pleasant person in the world while pregnant. Just kidding, my mood swings are lethal. I’m tired, I’m hungry, I’m irritable, I hate the way your perfume smells or the way you breathe and I can cry about the stupidest things. I have the shortest temper and I don’t like snapping at my husband who is the sweetest guy in the world and will bend over backwards for me to make sure that I’m as comfortable as can possibly be, but I am so hormonal that I am crazy right now. And that’s not beautiful. I also don’t think it’s beautiful that I struggle to remember anything or to do simple math or even hold an intelligent conversation because I have baby brain and that is a real thing folks.
I just think that if you had a great pregnancy, then that’s great for you. Congratulations. I know I’m not the first woman on the face of the Earth to not enjoy pregnancy and I’m not trying to be insensitive to those that are struggling with infertility or can’t have children, but I’m not enjoying the experience and just like other women are allowed to share how great their experience was I should be able to share how horrible I feel mine is without being shamed. So maybe the next time you ask a pregnant woman how she’s feeling and she goes on a rant about how miserable she is, silently thank the universe for your beautiful pregnancy experience before asking her if there’s anything you can do for her to make it easier on her.